I love Taylor Swift. You can play me literally any Taylor swift song in history and I will gladly sing along. On November 10th I will download her new album at midnight and listen to it on repeat for the next several months as is tradition. I have sung along, danced, laughed, cried and experienced the whole world of emotions through her music. People love her music because it is relatable and she talks about love and things that are supposed to be universal experiences for people. Except I have never actually related to any of her music before. Until now.

Gorgeous is Taylor's newest single from her upcoming album and it is the first Swift song I have ever actually related to. I have always just lived vicariously through Taylor's music. I don't actually know what the emotions of being in a relationship feel like, but I got to learn about it through her music. I don't have any of those universal experiences that she writes about and that people relate to. I have never had a first love or been through a breakup. I always struggled to feel part of a community, so even her "girl power hanging out with my friends" songs felt like they were part of a fantasy life that I could only strive for. Now if she wrote about being the super insecure girl at the party that constantly feels like she is trying to impress everyone, then I would relate. 

But Gorgeous is different. this is the first song that i have actually experienced. A lot of people have said that they think it is ridiculous and silly and a little desperate, but you know what, so am I. To use a Swiftian simile, this song is like drunk Enchanted. I have definitely been kinda drunk and met a cute guy at a party and read too much into every interaction.

My natural behavior when I like someone is hating them for making me feel things. I really don't like people knowing that I have emotions and as an insecure person I feel ashamed of my feelings because they are "so gorgeous" and "I'm so furious at you for making me feel this way"

I have definitely thought "about the consequences of you touching my hand in the darkened room". That would personally set me off on a spiral of analyzing every glance in my general direction as a sign that we are going to get married.

The lyrics "You've ruined my life by not being mine" and "I feel like I might sink and drown and die" are probably the most Me lyrics I have ever heard. Both are things I have said to myself in the midst of a crush.

This song is really extra and so am I.